Last night on the phone told Beast,
you better break my heart before you get old
and break down
we laughed, but I meant it
I know better than to scold a man with judgements he feeds himself
by the spoonful,
by the dripping handful, and so
swallow my worry worry
born of love
You could forgive a man for feigning ignorance
to the hands of a clock
He remembers a me whose tongue still spoke cursive
wrapped in electric corduroy
and sitting close to the exit
had so much shame in my throat then
like pushing two chairs together to make a bed
far from window
God forbid the boss see me asleep with the keys in my hand
Our own private trials played out matinée
it was gross to think ache belonged loyal to one or the other
but we were young & facing karmas earned before our time
too young to eat impermanence
And it made something of us
flowers growing nimble through the place of rest
golden island in right eye
lines in our palms only fortune tellers can read
Under gibbous he said
I love you
felt then like Moon bug caught out in the day
powdered wings to sing pleas against window pane
Try to make deals with the universe
breathed a long silence through the snow months
my brushes nearly all succumb to chatter teeth
and the first days of the Water Bearer tied knots in my gut
Thank gods for another Sabbat
to mark the distance we spun round sol
And what now?
It is love
to hand me golden knife and tell me careful
that he trust my hand
Heavy to let a woman hold blade at a whisper from his neck
and take from him the knots
I will wear bay laurel
